You think English is easy?

Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indixes? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital, ship by truck and send cargo by ship, have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be
the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill-in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't Buick rhyme with quick?

I am 80% Psychic

I can accurately predict whether someone: does his/her own taxes has been camping has eaten a bug I cannot tell whether someone: has a cat is over 21 watches soap operas

See what my psychic predicted for me! Take the quiz and get predictions at Spacefem.com

Things I Love about My Children

Whitney-provides comic relief in our family with her sometimes "wicked humor." I so appreciate her constant support and her "mafia type" loyalty. It is nice to know that she will drop everything and go with me, even on boring errands and that always makes them more fun!
She is a "foodie" like me so we can explore culinary delights together!

Melissa-makes me so proud of her solid decisions and righteous desires; marrying a worthy young man in the Salt Lake Temple being the most recent! Her "can do" attitude makes any job or project seem doable! Her willingness to help with her siblings and her parents has been a joy! Melissa makes cooking fun instead of a chore!

Matt-has always had the nickname "Angel Boy". He has earned that with his cheerful disposition and helpful attitude at all times. He also makes good, solid decisions that are only slightly influenced by excesses of testosterone. I admire his steadiness and thoughtfulness in the gospel. His taste in music is very eclectic; from T-Pain, Louie Armstrong, the Doobie Brothers, to Pavorati! I love to watch him C-walk and any other dancing! He is trying out for Mr. Timpview.

Garrett-is my great big teddybear, literally! He is always ready with a hug when you need one. He generally has a cheerful disposition and really enjoys being around people. Diplomacy is very difficult for Garrett, but he tries so hard. He is an avid reader; he isn't easily stumped on spelling or definitions. If he doesn't know it he can probably make one up.

Amanda-my little estrogenic diva! I love all her energy and that she dances everywhere she goes. She loves to read almost as much as I do and still reads her scriptures every night before bed. She loves being social and is a very loyal friend! This girl is always on the lookout for the "next big thing." Being a good example to her friends has always been important to her.

Jared-is a constant source of delight to me and the whole family! He has the funniest facial expressions and does a great booty shake! He always says "We a happy family" even when the rest of us are not feeling it.

New Tag!

Favorite Month of the year:
September because there is such an air of anticipation. Children are starting back to school and are full of news of friends, learning, and activities. I always feel a little twinge that I am not starting back also. The nip in the air that changes the green to autumn colors and reminds you that Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner.

Favorite Holiday & Why:
Christmas is my favorite holiday because I love to get everyone gifts and anticipate their reaction. Family fun and activities, friends, and of course salty-sweet hams and homemade treats! Christmas music seems to gift wrap the season with a big bow. The reminder of the birth of the Savior seems encourages us all to be kinder, more loving and thoughtful.

Do you like Storms:
I love to watch lightening storms for hours. I love the earthy smell of a summer rain. One of my favorite memories is being safe in the dock at Lake Powell and seeing great, jagged lightening strikes split the sky against the red rocks and improptu silver waterfalls of rain cascading down. All that power reminds me how small we really are.
Indoors or Outdoors:
I love the outdoors. I have tortured my children for years with hikes in Snow Canyon, Stewart Falls, Y mountain, etc. The beauty that surrounds you whenever you are outside in a lovely place; the ocean or the mountains, makes me realize how much we are loved by our Heavenly Father.
Favorite Season:
I love the fall. The changing fall leaves look like they have been frosted with fire and the smell of fires in the air.

People I tag: Alyssa, Lyn, and Amanda

orchid

you are orchid #DA70D6

Your dominant hues are red and blue. You're confident and like showing people new ideas. You play well with others and can be very influential if you want to be. Your saturation level is lower than average - You don't stress out over things and don't understand people who do. Finishing projects may sometimes be a challenge, but you schedule time as you see fit and the important things all happen in the end, even if not everyone sees your grand master plan. Your outlook on life is bright. You see good things in situations where others may not be able to, and it frustrates you to see them get down on everything.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

I was almost a felon!!!

This morning I lived through my own episode of Law and Order; it is more fun watching it than living it. I went to Days grocery store to get some things and as I pulled out of the parking lot I was pulled over by a policeman with his lights going! Then 2 more pulled up behind me. They asked me for my license and checked it. I said, "I wasn't even speeding" and they said "I know, we will tell you why we pulled you over in a minute." Then they told me to get out of my car and read me my rights! Seriously, read me my rights!! It seems some woman had tried to pick up a Rx fraudulantly and they said that she had blonde hair and was pulling out of the parking lot in a white Suburban right now. Anyway, they asked if I was willing to go back to the pharmacy and see if they could ID me. I told them I would and of course they said it wasn't me. Anyway, I think I prefer watching my dramas on TV. Scary stuff, I am still shaking!!!!

My late Christmas post...hehe

• wrapping paper or gift bags:
bags. it's much easier, the only downside is that people can peek .
• real tree or artificial: I'd prefer a real tree, but I find we are usually to busy to have one.
• when do you put your tree up:
After Thanksgiving, which people tend to skip.
by january 1.
• hot chocolate or apple cider:
Hot Chocolate-I make really good homade chocolate
• favorite gift received as a child:
My mother made a China doll for me. I still have it to this day, she has a red dress and my mother hand painted her.
• do you have a nativity scene:
yes. several- my favorite is one Wayne and I got in Israel.
• hardest person to buy for:
Wayne- last year he told me what he wanted and posted pictures everywhere, and then preceeded to buy everything himself.
• easiest person to buy for: Jared. He loves everything.
• worst christmas gift ever received:
Used clothes from Deseret Industries when I was 17 it seemed like a huge deal!
• mail or email christmas cards:
Mail- I have it easy though, Wayne mails them from his office.
• favorite christmas movie: It's a wonderful Life
• have you ever recycled a christmas present:
oh yeah.
• favorite thing to eat at christmas:
That's a tough one-Home made pecan logs, breakfast bake, and scones.
• clear or colored lights:
Colored.
• favorite christmas song:
O Holy Night, Mary's lullaby, and Silent Night.
• travel or stay home:
stay home.
• can you name all the santa.s reindeer: Yes.
• angel or star:
The angel my daughter made in preschool.
• favorite christmas memory:
This isn't my favorite, but very memorable. One year my dad was in Vietnam over Christmas and he recorded a tape he made especially for Christmas and we all listened to it under the tree and it was almost like he was there. My mom recorded us opening our presents so he could feel like he was there.